Introspection

I felt a need for introspection in my life to become a better human. So, this post is for me.

Goal: To know about myself and bring changes in my life to become ... I am yet to know my life's goal.

Strengths:
1. My family & friends are my assets. What ever positives I have are just because of them.
2. I like to help those who are in need.
4. I learn a lot of lessons from others particularly by observing their problems and the way they deal them.
5. I give respect to the money but not too crazy about it.
6. I always look for the scope of improvement in whatever I do.

Shortcomings:
1. Lack of proper people handling skills - Can not console/influence any one.
2. Sometimes I don't control anger, jealous,lust.
3. I am a lean,weak guy.
4. I like to learn and achieve a lot of things but don't continue to have a very strong determination to achieve them.
5. I am a lazy guy and very much forgetful in nature.

Hobbies:
1. Reading novels, spiritual works
2. Watching movies & listening/learning music.
3. Novice art

Liberation - Ashtavakra

"Wait & watch" - this is the mantra I have been following for the past few months. I have just postponed to take the decision because of conflicting opinions. Either the decision turns out to be "Yes" or "No" my future would be different. Both futures would have their own positives and negatives. And I am in no way can decide which is the better future. Then why is this struggle for?

I had a lot of arguments with in me whether to take the final decision or not. As the saying goes "Being in the state of Indecision is nothing but to be idle", it means I am doing nothing. To liberate from this indecision and inaction I started knowing about liberation. Ashtavakra Gita, a discourse from Ashtavakra to his disciple King Janaka, provides a solution to my struggle.

Ashtavakra says, "Liberation is when the mind does not long for anything, grieve about anything, reject anything, or hold on to anything, and is not pleased about anything or displeased about anything".

This knowledge is nothing but everything. Finally, is there anything in it?

Drona! Take the side of Krishna

Guru Drona was a wise scholar and he always knew the path of Truth. But still, he chose to fight along with Kauravas who were against Dharma. If he had been ignorant, it would not have been his fault. But being aware that he was fighting for the wrong side, he didn’t quit from the war. This ultimately led to his destruction.
Drawing from the similar lines, even though I knew that I was doing something wrong, sometimes I ignored my conscious and did the mistake. And afterwards I would repent a lot for doing that mistake. This whole process just leads to destruction of peace in my mind.
This again tells me to follow the conscious rather than to be killed like Drona.So, Drona! Be with the side of Truth and enjoy the peace in it.